This Messy Magnificent Life: A Field Guide (English Edition)

≭ Free  Format Kindle Read ᥫ This Messy Magnificent Life: A Field Guide (English Edition)  ⊰ By Geneen Roth ⋞ ≭ Free Format Kindle Read ᥫ This Messy Magnificent Life: A Field Guide (English Edition) ⊰ By Geneen Roth ⋞ This Messy Magnificent Life Attention is everything Without it, all else is a temporary fix and no long lasting change is possible CHAPTER ONE Manna Iam making a cup of tea in my favorite purple flowered mug when I smell smoke I look through the windows behind me and see plumes of smoke through the trees I call the fire department and they tell me there is a fire down the road, that its not contained, and that we might have to evacuate our home Theyll let me know My husband, Matt, is awayhe never seems to be around during the panoply of biblical California disasters earthquakes, fires, mudslides so I will have to deal with this myself My heart races I feel panicked But then I think, This will be fine Sometimes bad is good I remember a haiku by Zen teacher Masahide that I read just yesterday Barns burnt down, now I can see the moon Since I have the luxury of time, I walk around the house looking at the things weve accumulatedmy mothers antique Bombay chest, doors from Bali, a cabinet from Japan The photographs of Matt and me at our wedding, of my mother and me at my twin nephews bar mitzvahs last year I put five framed pictures and three photo albums in a pile near the front door I walk into my closet and I look around, a bit dazed All these clothes The only time my father hinted that he knew he was dying was a few weeks after he was diagnosed with stage four lymphoma, when we were walking past his closet He said, My clothes Whats going to happen to all my clothes As if they had lives of their own and would miss his legs, his arms, his wrists, or had meaning beyond his insatiable hunger for things and his inability to understand the meaning of enough I look blankly at my shoes, my sweaters, my pants If our house burns down and I am left with only the clothing I take now, what would I want What cant I live without I finger an embroidered jacket, think about throwing it in my car, but then I realize I havent worn it in a year and although it was once my favorite piece of clothing, it isnt now I leave it hanging next to the black wool jacket with the short sleeves and the distressed gray corduroy jacket I call my neighbor Susanwhose husband is a volunteer firefighterto find out if she knows anything about the fire What fire she asks, voice rising And then Susan begins to scream Im in a wheelchair Im alone Ive just had back surgery I cant move I find myself thinking of the movie Sorry, Wrong Number, when the wheelchair bound Barbara Stanwyck overhears a plan to commit a murder that turns out to be her own, but I keep this thought to myself I tell Susan I will pick her up if we need to evacuate I move slowly, as if underwater I put jewelry in a backpackmy wedding ring, my fathers Masonic ring that he wore until the day he died, my grandmothers earrings, my mothers enameled snake bracelet, my fathers first watch I zip up the backpack, walk out to the car, and put the bag in the trunk I cant decide if I am numb or if I am enlightened because Ive taken nothing else besides my purse, a computer, the stuffed toy pencil my first editor left me when she died, medicine, some underwear, the photograph albums, my favorite sweatshirt, our house insurance policy, our dog I call the sheriffs office They tell me they are going door to door and asking people to evacuate it is not yet mandatory for our particular road, but soon may be I decide to preempt the evacuation order, take the dog, call and pick up Susan, and leave, grateful that the flames I saw havent cut off my escape down our one lane road At least I am alive I dial Matts number from the car and remember the call I placed to him on a Russian icebreaker in Antarctica a few years ago Hi honey, no one died, but Bernie Madoffs been arrested and weve lost every cent of our money As I drive I keep thinking about my jackets, my father, our stuff About what enough actually is Then, for some reason, I remember my college friend Linda It was my senior year and I was a dinner guest at Lindas mothers house Linda and I were bingeing buddies She was the one who shared a gallon of Breyers vanilla fudge twirl ice cream with me, and mined for the chocolate veins with her fingers The one who, when making a batch of Toll House chocolate chip cookies, used the entire recipe to bake two huge cookies That way, she told me, we only eat one cookie apiece At her mothers house, Linda was sitting at the head of the table, scooping out ice cream into delicate porcelain bowls with violets and geraniums painted on their lips Each one was passed around the table until everyone but me had their dessert I looked at Linda and said, This ones for me She nodded her head I get it, she said, and proceeded to pile so much ice cream in the bowl that it began to drip down the red dahlias painted on the side of the bowl The fact that I was already full from the dinner of fried oysters and gumbo didnt factor into my desire for that ice cream, not for one second My motto was that if some was good, had to be better I was haunted by a wild hunger for something I couldnt name, and while food didnt fill it, having of what I didnt want was better than having nothing at all The word manna comes from the Hebrew word mah, which means what, or what is it In Exodus the Torah says, in the morning there was a fall of dew about the camp When the fall of dew lifted, there, over the surface of the wilderness, lay a fine and flaky substance, as fine as frost on the ground When the Israelites saw it, they said to one another, What is it for they did not know what it was 16 1315 And, a few verses later, and so the House of Israel named it manna 16 31 Each day, when they awoke and greeted the day, they would say What is it for every day this manna was new, fresh, different from the day before And no matter how much manna each person gathered, it was always exactly what that person neededand although it tasted different to each person, it left each one satisfied and nourished They couldnt store manna, hang it in their closets, or put it in the refrigerator like leftover pizza They couldnt buy it, barter it, or use it against each other there was only enough manna for that day And no one had than anyone else But somehow, manna miraculously appeared each morning for forty years of wandering in the desert Man, oh man From that perspective, refrigeration and closets sure messed things up Because now we are wandering in the desert again, but this time, its the wilderness of too much Of feeling perpetually discontent and hungry for , even when our bellies and our houses are stuffed Halfway into an eating meditation at a retreat, a time when most people are no longer hungry, I ask people to put down their forks, take a breath, and stop eating Jesus, I hear someone mutter, just when I was getting going I look around the room Donnas fork is in the air, ready for the next bite Her mouth is still filled with food After she swallows the current bite, she says, I am hesitant to mention this but I am really fulllike a twelve on a scale of one to ten But I dont want to stop Period And you cant make me I tell Donna shes right I cant make her stop And in any case, force, cajoling, and exerting willpower have all proved incredibly ineffective where compulsive eating is concerned But, I tell her, I am nonetheless curious about two things who she is taking me to be at the moment, and what she hopes that continuing to eat will give her My mother, she answers, almost before I finish speaking You are definitely my mother She put me on a diet when I was two, and Ive been on one ever since And the answer to your second question is Just If I put the fork down, if I stop eating, I feel deprived Im not sure if Im feeling sad or lost or empty when the food is all gone, but Im sure I want We dont know what were feeding, but we know we want Were not sure what the sadness is about or why we feel inconsolable, but were sure the solution is to take , have , eat As if the answer to everything that makes us uncomfortable is As if its a choice between having of what we dont want or nothing at all A beloved spiritual teacher once told me that I kept protecting myself from losses that had already happened I kept dragging the past into the present, and carried it into the future The deprivation of childhood, the scarcity of tenderness and of belongingand my attempts to rectify themkept repeating themselves because thats all I knew I had no language for sufficiency, no way to see it, no way to recognize what was actually in front of me If a pickpocket had stood before Jesus, another teacher said, all he would see is pockets We see what we believe When we look at the world with hungry eyes, we only see lack everythingpeople, meals, situationslooks like food we are desperate for But the second we name what we are doing, the second we pay attention to it, we are no longer merged with it We are no longer wandering in the desert or hoarding bowls of ice cream or starving for love We are the awareness that notices that we are wandering in the desert, hoarding ice cream, starving for love Attention is everything Without it, all else is a temporary fix and no long lasting change is possible Most of us already know this weve tried hundreds of quick fixes diets, affirmations, workshops that promise abundance, instant changes Sometimes I ask a group of people how many of them have been on a diet They all raise their hands Then I ask how many people lost weight on that diet All hands are raised again Then How many people gained weight on said diet Again, everyone Finally, the last question How many people believe that another diet is the answer now Everyone We dont want to know what we already know This is the part about having enough that has nothing to do with food And this is the harder part because we live in a culture that worships We are so brainwashed into believing that is better that we no longer question what it costs or whether it adds anything to our lives We keep believing that there is an elusive tipping point when will finally become enough, but no matter how thin we get or how much money we make, that point doesnt get any closer And in the meantime we spend our days riding the roller coaster of dissatisfaction, discontent, and disease Or, as one of my students said, I would die to be as thin as I was five years ago, when I would have died to have been thinner Until a disaster comes along, like being given a terminal diagnosis or evacuating your house because theres a fire down the road Then, suddenly, the urgency of what is happening breaks the trance of And after the panic subsides, we find ourselves right smack in the middle of the fragile, unrepeatable, never ending nowwhich, it turns out, is the only place from which we can ever know what enough is When my husband, Matt, and I lost almost every cent of our money in 2008, I was terrified, then I was ashamed, and then I panicked As I wrote in Lost and Found, upon hearing my financial news, my teacher Jeanne said that nothing of value was lost To which I replied, Now is not the time to be spiritual But I soon realized that just as Id had a choice with food to suffer or not , I had a choice at that moment as well I could keep panicking and focus on the fact that Matt and I had just lost thirty years of life savings and didnt have enough money to get through the next month, or I could realize, as the Zen teacher John Tarrant puts it, that the sun still shines and you can still drink your coffee and the birds still call in the morning and you can find out that what you came to this planet for is not necessarily your apartment In the end, I did both But each time I descended into the hell realms of shame, I knew I would feel worse And each time I made a choice to bring my attention back to the fact that I could still breathe, walk, and drink tea from my favorite purple mug, I felt lighter and happier than Id been in a long time, even before wed lost all our money That seemed magical to me But then I realized that before we lost our money I was entranced by lack and the worry of not enough And after losing our money I kept choosing to focus on this breath, this step, because when I listened to my thoughtsand focused on all wed lost, and on what we were going to do, and how dumb wed been to put all our money in one placeI felt as if I was going insane The difference wasnt the money, since Id felt we didnt have enough when we did, and that we did have enough when wed lost everything The difference was where I chose to place my attention, and that I became fierce about not descending into the nightmare of my thoughts Having enough came down to moment to moment choices of attention A woman once asked a spiritual teacher why she could remain so uninterested in her thoughts and, therefore, remain present during a retreat, but when she got home and started washing the dishes, her mind wandered into the past and future He responded that At a retreat you think what youre doing is important But once you get home, you forget what you love than your thoughts Its as if we slide back and forth between the desire for love, earrings, experiences and fear that we will lose what we already have In biblical momentswhen theres a threat of a fire, or you lose your money, or you get a life threatening diagnosisthe urgency forces you back into the present moment and you suddenly realize how much youve been missing You see the extraordinary in the ordinary You pay attention to what has been here all along The purple teacup The trill of the whip poor will outside your window The sensation of your feet touching the floor in the middle of the night You look, as the poet Mary Oliver says, on the deeper level, from the heavenly visibles to the heavenly invisibles Later in the afternoon on the day that Susan and I evacuated our homes, we were notified that the fire was contained After helping her back into her house, I walked back into mine with the dog, photograph albums, sweatshirt, computer, and jewelry The awe at having a home and for all the thingsheat, roof, walls, showers, refrigerators, foodI take for granted burned through my usual trance of managing one damn thing after another as Churchill described history For that evening and the many weeks that followed, I was awash in thank you, thank you, thank you For being alive, for being given another day with a roof over my head For having love, sky, breath My teacher Jeanne once said, You do very well in catastrophes, Geneen You notice whats important The fact that you are alive, breathing, sensing, taking in whats around you, becomes primary But the challenge is doing that on any old day, every day You have to want this than you want anything You have to keep paying attention to the effulgence of every day Its as if we slide back and forth between the desire for love, earrings, experiences and fear that we will lose what we already have In the movement from one pole to the other, we are always whirling in the trance of deficiency in which we equate being alone with loneliness, restraint with deprivation, being silent with being empty Or at least I do I get seduced by the promise of adding yet another ornament to the tree of myself and forget to pay attention to the heavenly invisibles And then I remember And then I forget And remember again.Geneen Roths early work pulled my sister out of the abyss of eating disorders My gratitude and admiration for Geneen has deepened still with her newest book In This Messy Magnificent Life, we experience her signature divine wisdom and hilarious humanitybut Geneen also gives us something new and important Here, Geneen shows us how our individual body and food obsessions are directly linked to our collective oppression as womenand how getting free from our personal prisons is crucial to seeking liberation at every level This is a beautiful, funny, deeply relevant book a vital work for this moment Glennon Doyle, author of the 1 New York Times bestseller Love Warrior and founder and president of Together Rising Geneen Roths secret saucethe ingredients of which are warmth, wisdom, honesty and powerful self scrutinyare all blended to perfection in this lovely book, which will be a welcome companion to her legions of readers, and bring her many lucky new ones Theres a reason shes such a treasure Dani Shapiro, author of Hourglass and Devotion Ive long admired Geneen Roths approach to food and its place in our lives In This Messy Magnificent Life she goes beyond food and shows the complex interconnection between our minds and the bodies we have the power to heal Her insights and simple practices will help readers rediscover the power to live their most vibrant lives Mark Hyman, MD, author of the New York Times bestseller Eat Fat, Get Thin This Messy Magnificent Life delivers a brilliant, funny, and frank offering at the stroke of midnight just when we need it By page ten youre convinced shes your smartest and funniest best friend This Messy Magnificent Life isdare I say it Yep Messy Its magnificent, hilarious and 100% the generous, complicated gift that is Geneen Roths imagination, experience and soul, on a platter 2018 will be made easier to navigate with This Messy Magnificent Life by my side Kathy Najimy, actor, activist, director Rothspioneering work on mindful eating and spirituality has helped countless dieters do as the extreme yo yo dieting author did herself Make peace with food or at least call a truce NPRs The Salt Roth is an intellectual, but her tone is warm and comfortable, and she knows when to add a touch of humor She willingly shares her own emotional baggage, and her advice is life affirming Booklist Now is the time to celebrate the qualities that make you unique and to be bold in your pursuit of personal bliss This book will help get you started BookPage Roth, who has become resilient with age, will captivate readers with her energetic yet calming wisdom Publishers Weekly These chapters of simple advice are easily digestible, and reading one per day is a good way to start this practice Empowering words for womenespecially those struggling with body issuesto regain control of their lives Kirkus This Messy Magnificent Life A new book by Compelling, hilarious and big hearted, Geneen Roth s This is a provocative exploration of personal beliefs, hidden traumas, social Customer reviews Messy Find helpful customer review ratings for Field Guide at Read honest unbiased product from our users Geneen Books, Videos Events Last week, when I was gas station filling the tank, washing my windshield, checking oil, adding little whooshes air to tires, noticed woman in Spermastudio Sexy Susi Black Sofa Creampies Watch Spermastudio 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    • Format Kindle
    • This Messy Magnificent Life: A Field Guide (English Edition)
    • Geneen Roth
    • Anglais
    • 01 February 2017
    • 225 pages

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