In the Land of Happy Tears: Yiddish Tales for Modern Times: collected and edited by David Stromberg

תּ Free Format Kindle Read [ ᅿ In the Land of Happy Tears: Yiddish Tales for Modern Times: collected and edited by David Stromberg ] ᐴ PDF Author David Stromberg ᕊ תּ Free Format Kindle Read [ ᅿ In the Land of Happy Tears: Yiddish Tales for Modern Times: collected and edited by David Stromberg ] ᐴ PDF Author David Stromberg ᕊ In the Land of Happy TearsMoyshe NadirListen here, children Do you want to hear something youve never heard before Then sit yourselves down on this bench, like good children, and Ill tell you a story.If youve ever studied geography, then you know that not far from Mount Hotzemklotzem lies a river called the Ampsel.All week long, the river Ampsel spews a boiling sealing wax that makes it impossible to even get close If you do, you instantly get sealed up a package ready for the Angel of Souls, who stands by with an inkwell, immediately writes down an address, and sends you off to the World to Come.But once in 666 years, when the Sabbath falls on a Wednesday, you can approach the river backward so it thinks youre actually walking away And when youre just close enough, you throw a blue onion over your shoulder and say three times Echepeche meche merly.Little river, its still early.This scares the river Ampsel, and it freezes with trembling waves on both sides, like the angry lips of an irate person whose mouth has opened and cant be shut And thats when you jump off Mount Hotzemklotzem, sitting on your hands which you hold together under yourself like a little bench and start flying wherever you want You fly for a day and a night, and then another day and a night, until you fly into the very middle of Shortfriday and tear it into two halves One half runs off to the left, the second to the right, and you end up standing just where you ought to be, that is in Tearania.This is obviously easier said than done Before you break into Tearania, you have to first bathe in the Goldwater of Ashm, where the Ampsel flows into the Krikrama When you come out, you look like a golden figure on a sign completely gold and, besides that, not moving your feet The Goldwater of Ashm has this quality that whoever bathes in its waters starts walking with their neck That is, your feet stand or sit in place, while your neck stretches out on its own and your head goes wherever you want Thats why all the inhabitants of Tearania have such long necks except when their necks come back.But the main story we want to tell you, children, is about the salt that doesnt exist there and that, if it were to exist, would possibly make it the happiest place in the world Its like this The region around the Ampsel is very rich The soil is not actually soil but rich, freshly baked bread When youre hungry, you tear off a piece of hot soil and eat.Or when you want meat, you dont need to spill any blood, the way we do, but what You just unzip the hide of a cow or an ox Hides in this place are undone with zippers under the bellies You tear off whatever piece of meat you want you just have to leave behind the end, and soon a new animal grows beneath the very same hide And it doesnt even feel that its a different animal.As for rain in Tearania, it rains wine If you want to sleep, there are mountains made of cotton balls Otherwise you just sneeze and geese come flying, stuffing themselves inside white pillowcases they carry in their little bills, and you sleep to your hearts content.But theres one thing, children, they dont have in Tearania salt They have everything gold and silver, coal and oil, iron and copper, brass and tin, bread and meat, honey and almonds, icebox cakes and malted milk shakes And in short, its a place where you can live and laugh.Laugh No I havent told the truth In Tearania, people cry than they laugh That is, they could laugh in Tearania, and why not Such a land Such plenty Such soil Such animals But what Its just the same thing again salt Since theres no salt, parents smack their children so that they cry and salt the bread And when children refuse to cry, they get smacked even And if they dont want to cry straight onto the bread, they get a proper swat After the children have cried out all their tears and salted their little lunches, the whole story starts all over again with dinner.The mother says to the father You have to cry out the bread today.The father says to the mother Me Why me You can cry I feel joy in my heart today Ive had some brandy.Is that so says the mother Youre becoming a drunk on top of it all And she starts to cry.The father rushes over and slides a fresh cucumber just under her eyes.The mother says to the father Take the cucumber away, you drunkard.The father says to the mother Dont be silly I just said that because an unsalted cucumber has no taste.These kinds of scenes would occur in Tearania almost every day Until one person a wise man and watchmaker invented a patent Instead of smacking children or upsetting wives, people would be better off if, at every meal, they placed a lady near the table to grate horseradish, so that tears would flow from everyone and fall straight into their bowls of noodle soup or onto their hot dumplings.Translated by David Stromberg18 Yiddish short stories .newly translated into English These stories offer a window into this canon for non Yiddish speakers Appended with a fascinating glossary of untranslatables and notes on the original authors Booklist Online The stories, seamlessly translated by a sizable team, are all a few pages in length and lend themselves to reading aloud and discussion Yiddishkeit that is entertaining, meaningful, and very much still relevant Kirkus Reviews Land id Adviesbureau voor water, ruimtelijke kwaliteit Land begeleidt verandering in het landelijk gebied Dat doen we met een uitgekiende combinatie van project en omgevingsmanagement, ontwerp strategische North Texas For Sale Fannin Grayson Bois d Arc Realty, Inc Whitewright, farms, ranches, land, homes, residential real estate for sale County, Grayson County , 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    • Format Kindle
    • 152472033X
    • In the Land of Happy Tears: Yiddish Tales for Modern Times: collected and edited by David Stromberg
    • David Stromberg
    • Anglais
    • 19 June 2017

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